of Love and Despair
by Kokoro808
Summary: Tifa has had enough of Cloud's withdrawn demeanor & angst and she finally takes action against him. The tranquility of their "family" is now in pieces. But something unexpected happens which could bring them feelings of love and despair. After AC.
1. Anguish

of Love and Despair

The story takes place kind of after Advent Children. I didn't play Dirge of Cerberus so there could be some inconsistencies, possibly setting this story in an alternate universe.

* * *

_The Anguish of Love and Despair_

_Everything was quite. That's how things usually were around here. It was just the same things over and over again. Day after day, week after week. Yuiffie came by not to long ago, her antics were a welcome, but they are only temporary in this place. Its the same people coming and going, everything was moving like clockwork. You could set your watch again certain people. Like that guy for instance, Mr. Dark-Lecour-on-the-Rocks who sips his alcohol through the strainer on his upper lip. He comes in at 4:30 drinks by himself for an hour and then goes outside to smoke, then come back in and drinks some more and leaves before 6:55. You could even set your watch on another person. Like him, Mr. Takes-off-without-telling-anyone-and-leaves-for-days-on-end-making-everyone-worry-about-him Strife. Speak of the devil._

"Hello Cloud," called Tifa from behind the bar.

Cloud only responded by nodding his head and walked over to her.

"Could you help me with these dishes," asked Tifa who had been up to her elbows in dirty dishes in between customers all day.

He shook his head. "Sorry Tifa I just came by to check on the work orders."

"Oh, okay," sighed Tifa who looked back down at the dishes in the sink. When she was done washing a mug she slammed it down harder than she meant to on the drying rack and the whole thing came crashing down to the floor. She swore so loud that would have made Cid and Barret proud.

"Is something wrong Tifa?" asked Cloud as he took a step closer to her.

"No nothing's wrong," replied Tifa. "Why? Should there be something wrong?"

Cloud looked down at the shattered dishes and back up at Tifa before looking back at the dishes. "I'll... get a broom."

"Don't," barked Tifa. "Leave it. Go back to taking care of your work orders and cleaning up your desk and taking orders and making your delivers. Go you have work to do."

Cloud opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. They stood in silence each of them staring at the reflections of themselves in each other's eyes. Cloud opened his mouth again and all that came out was, "What's wrong?"

"'What's wrong?'" repeated Tifa.

"Something is bothering you," responded Cloud who was regretting his words.

Tifa shook her head. "After all this time and you still can't-. Just go Cloud."

"Tifa," pleaded Cloud.

"No don't 'Tifa' me Cloud," replied Tifa who was now furious. "You know Cloud I always thought that it was just and act. I mean how can anyone be so dense. But then you come along with your 'What's wrong?' And I don't know know any more. I don't care. I've had enough. So just go do your deliveries because I've had enough. I've had it." Tifa tossed a glass in her hands back into the sink which issues a loud clatter which surely caused some dishes to crack and break. Cloud watched Tifa storm up the stairs and heard her slam the door to her room which caused a few hanging cups and liquor bottles to rattle together. He then looked around the bar at everyone who had been watching the fight, they all quickly looked back down at their drinks. He spotted Marlene who was standing in the middle of the door way. It was another person that Cloud didn't want to see right now.

She stormed over to where Cloud was. "You have to go up and apologize."

"I will," replied Cloud.

"Now Cloud," ordered Marlene who could be just as bossy as her father. "You need to apologize."

"I'll go when she's cooled off a bit," responded Cloud who tried to maneuver around her. But she blocked his every move. There was no getting around it. "Let me clean up this mess first."

"Don't worry about the dishes," replied Denzel who was already sweeping up the glass and porcelain on the ground. "You have to clean up the mess."

"But-." began Cloud.

"No buts!" shouted Marlene who then began to push Cloud up the stairs and towards Tifa's room.

He left out a sigh, there was no use fighting it. When he reached the foot of Tifa's door he rapped on the door very lightly so Tifa might not have heard it. Marlene saw what he was doing and banged on the door before diving out of the way of Cloud's reach. He gulped hard and waited for something but nothing came. He knocked again and again there was no response. Marlene came out of her hiding place and opened the door.

"Tifa?" asked Marlene as she poked her head inside. When she came back out she shook her head up at Cloud.

Cloud looked over to his room which was wide open. He didn't want to believe it but he knew that she had to be in there. He slowly poked his head in a sure enough Tifa was sitting on his bed staring at the picture on his unusually tidy desk. He noticed the slight fragrance of fresh flowers on his desk that replaced the withered old flowers that use to lay there. Marlene suddenly pushed Cloud all the way into the room and shut the door behind him. He knew that physically there was no way to lock the door from the outside but he knew he was trapped in there until allowed to leave.

"Tifa," said Cloud to which Tifa gave no response. "I-."

"Why do you do it Cloud?" asked Tifa who looked up a Cloud cutting off anything that he was about to say. "Why do you even come back here? Is it painful to comeback here?"

It has Cloud's turn to look away like child getting scolded by his mother.

"Because you want to feel hurt?" asked Tifa clenching the side of his bed. "Is it because you want to feel sorry? Do you like feeling hurt? Guilty?"

"No I-."

"Cloud you're past isn't the only one that hurts. We all lost everything. Our town, our friends, our families." They didn't know that Marlene was sitting against the door on the other side listening intently to everything they were saying. "But you are the only one who feels guilty for himself. So what I want to know is why? Why do you do it Cloud?"

Cloud ended up staring at the picture on his desk. "Because I want to feel needed."

"Then why do you push everyone away?" asked Tifa. "You keep everyone at a distance. When anyone gets close you run away. The only person you don't push away is..." Tifa let out a sigh and looked out the window.

They both were left in silence. It's always how it ends, in silence. The door burst open suddenly and Marlene ran in to the room. She stood in between Cloud and Tifa.

"Marlene," called out Tifa and Cloud at the same time.

"No," said Marlene stamping down her foot sending tears from her eyes splashing down on the floor. "This isn't how its ending. Not like this."

Cloud frowned as he looked at the floor in front of him. He rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before making for the door.

"Cloud," pleaded Marlene. "Don't run away."

Cloud paused at the door and glanced over his shoulder at her. He let out a sigh and looked down at his feet with his head hung low and walked out of the room. Marlene tried to wipe the tears away while Tifa continued to look out the window.

_Why is it the more you hold it in, the more it hurts._


	2. Loneliness

of Love and Despair

The story takes place kind of after Advent Children. I didn't play Dirge of Cerberus so there could be some inconsistencies, possibly setting this story in an alternate universe.

* * *

_The Loneliness of Love and Despair_

_This is me this is who I am. The more I try to disbelieve it, the more real it gets._

Cloud let the water in his cupped hands splash back down to the pool of water. Flowers of all kinds of colors where blooming all around the water's edge. The original flowers that once flourished on the very spot where the pool of water now exists, now resided in the depths of the water just like the one who tended to them daily. Cloud would often come to this church because it was always tranquil and it always remained the same even though the surrounding area had dramatically changed.

The doors bursting open disturbed Cloud from his serenity. Two young children ran into the church and towards him.

"Marlene, Denzel," said Cloud as Marlene ran into him and wrapped her arms around his waste in a big hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Why did you run away?" asked Marlene pulling away from him. "Why Cloud?"

Cloud ignored her. "Go back home."

Marlene shook her head. "We're not leaving without you."

"Marlene."

"No Cloud." Marlene clenched the sides of her dress in her tightly balled fists.

"Tifa is just concerned about you," spoke Denzel which made them look at him who then retreated back a few steps.

"I can't make you come back home," said Marlene who was staring at the flowers on the ground. "But I just... I just want... I just want you to be happy." She then headed for the door while dragging Denzel along.

"Happy?" asked Cloud to himself. "Happy."

7th Heaven was unusually empty for this time of the day. Reno poked his head into the bar and then looked outside at the signs outside of the bar. He recognized the big gold chocobo character and the words "Strife Delivery" on the sign. Just underneath it was a smaller sign, "7th Heaven." This was the correct place. Reno shrugged his shoulders and took a seat at the bar. He looked around at the few others and saw them looking a bit disgruntled as many of them didn't have any cups in front of them. Reno turned back around to face the bar and saw Tifa busily cleaning what few cups she had left.

"What happened here, yo?" he asked.

Tifa stopped washing at the recognition of the voice and speech pattern. She gave him a friendly smile that she didn't give too often. "The usual, yo?" she playfully called back.

"Sure," replied Reno. He watched her pour two dark brown liquids from two different bottles into a cup that was hidden beneath the counter top. Reno began to grow suspicious as she was talking too long for her to make him a drink. He gave a chuckle as Tifa put a plastic no-spill cup on the counter. "So this is how people drink now days?"

"I think it matches your personality," teased Tifa. "There was a little accident yesterday."

"Ah, I thought you were trying to start a new trend," replied Reno as he tried to pry off the lid of the cup. "So hows the kids?"

"They're fine," replie Tifa with a frown. "I hope they come back soon. Not everyone is so eager to drink from no spill tipsy cups."

"I'll bet," replied Reno as he took a sip from the cup and looked at the others. "You know, I don't think that this cup is working for me. Do you have any thing else? Like baby bottles maybe?"

Tifa laughed and a few customers just shook their heads. "Thanks," she managed to say.

"Huh?" asked Reno pulling the cup from his lips. "For what?"

"This is just what I needed right now. A good laugh. It's been..."

"Rough?"

"That's putting it lightly. Cloud and I had a fight and... forget it."

"Go on."

"No, forget it. I don't feel like talking about Cloud. Its been all I've been thinking about."

"Alright," nodded Reno. "That's fair. Since you're not going to talk, I will. So Rude go this rash-."

Many of the others sitting nearby let out a groan, but Reno didn't care as he continued his stories which kept Tifa laughing and her mind off of Cloud for once. For once she wasn't constantly worrying about the others like she always did. She didn't have to worry about Cloud's dangerous job or Marlene and Denzel when they went exploring together or anything else. She was having a good time as Reno continued to tell his stories and did his many antics. Before they knew it, it was nearing closing time.

"Well I better get going, yo," replied Reno looking at his watch.

"Thanks again, yo," said Tifa scooping up Reno's gil.

"Any time, yo," called out Reno with a wave as he walked out of the bar. He poked his head back into the bar to which Tifa held up a pair of glasses. He walked over and thanked her again before making for the door. Just as he about to leave he stopped and turned around.

"Hey Tifa?" asked Reno to which she looked back at him curiously. "They are going to reopen the Gold Saucer. And there's this big grand reopening and I was wondering if you weren't busy tomorrow, maybe you'd want to go?"

Marlene and Denzel quietly snuck up against the wall outside the bar and began to eaves drop on them. Tifa was a little shocked that Reno had just come out of the blue like that and asked her. Its not like Cloud and her were in a relationship or anything and its not like Reno was asking her out on a romantic date or anything.

"Sure," answered Tifa. "I'd love to go."

Marlene and Denzel had already taken off towards Aerith's church.

"Cloud you have to go," pleaded Marlene. "You have to go to Gold Saucer."

"I'm not going," replied Cloud. "I don't have a problem with Tifa going to Gold Saucer with Reno."

"Cloud you have to."

"We are just friends. That's it."

"Cloud, Tifa cares about you."

Cloud walked across the room away from them. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his own feet. He let out a heavy sigh and turned back around to look at the others.

"Alright I'll go," replied Cloud in an almost a whisper. "But I'm not going as myself."

_It takes more courage to accept the truth than it does to give it.

* * *

Thanks to those of you who reviewed my story and to those of you who are following it.  
_


	3. Guilt

of Love and Despair

The story takes place kind of after Advent Children. I didn't play Dirge of Cerberus so there could be some inconsistencies, possibly setting this story in an alternate universe.

* * *

The Guilt of Love and Despair

The bright lights were as numerous in the black sky as the stars in the heavens. It was a glowing city of lights that some people had never seen. Even for those of who have been here before, it was still a sight of wonderment and excitement, a seemingly floating city in the sky. All it takes is a short cable car ride up into the sky and you're there above it all. Above the troubles, above the worries, above the world below. Now more than ever, it city is packed to its max capacity with people trying to escape their problems. It is a wonder how the whole thing was able to stay in the sky without toppling over and falling back down into reality. As the cable car neared Gold Saucer everyone could hear the screams, laughs and obnoxious music. The music was so loud because the people were so loud because the music was so loud

Tifa leaned in closer to Reno to be able to say anything audibly to him. "Where shall we go next?"

Reno thought for a moment as he could feel her soft skin rub up against his cheek. Even though it was ever so slight a touch. He tried to think about something else so he wouldn't think about it. But he only ended up hoping that the lights were dark enough to hide his flush cheeks. "How about the Battle Square?"

"We just came from the Chocobo Races," replied Tifa. She gave a tug on his arm as they passed by the line to the roller coaster. "Lets go here."

"Alright," groaned Reno which Tifa couldn't hear over the screams of the crowd. He let himself get pulled into line by Tifa and almost running over a young woman in the process. "Sorry."

The woman watched the two get into line before getting into line herself a few places after. She tried to look around the other people in line to get a better look at the two.

"Hey cutie," called out a man behind the woman. "You here all by yourself?" The woman ignored the man and continued to try look at the head of the line. The man turned to the others behind him and grinned. "You know this is a scary ride and I don't think that you should be going all by your lonesome." The man put a arm around the woman's shoulders and pulled her into his chest. The woman retaliated and pushed him away. "Hey!" yelled the man who then forcefully grabbed the woman by the wrist.

"Why don't you leave the little lady alone," interrupted Reno. The man began to size him up but snorted and walked away from them. "Are you okay?" asked Reno to the woman who nodded her head but never looked up at him in the face.

"Thank you," murmured the woman before walking away from him as well. Reno scratched his head in bewilderment.

The woman hid behind one of the nearby buildings and took off her wig. "Why did I agree to wear this thing again..." moaned Cloud before putting the wig back onto his head and stepping back out into the crowd. Just as he stepped out from behind the building a young girl walked right into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry miss," apologized the young girl who was bowing low. When she looked back up, Cloud nearly jumped out of his dress in shock of seeing her here.

"Yuffie," called out Cloud absently. But she couldn't hear him as she was busily looking through the crowds for someone. "You didn't happen to have seen a tall scary looking guy in a red cape, did you?" she asked. But before Cloud could say another word she spotted the person she was looking for. "Hey you! Tall, brooding, and scary!" cried out Yuffie at the top of her lungs. She ran off pushing herself through the curious crowd trying to catch up to someone who could only be Vincent Valentine.

Cloud watched them disappear into the mass of people. He watched them long after they had left before Reno and Tifa walked into his line of sight. Cloud followed them from a safe distance making sure that they couldn't see him following them.

Guilt

Tifa and Reno shared a gondola ride together which took them above all the whole park, giving them spectacular views and time to be alone and away from all the commotion down below. Tifa smiled as she looked out the window as some breath taking views while Reno sat across from her and glanced out as well, trying to make like he wasn't all that impressed. Tifa's smile quickly faded into a frown as she remembered that night. The night that she was going to ask Cloud on a late night gondola ride, but he wasn't in his room that night. Someone had already beaten her to the punch and she could only imagine the two of them together, probably doing the same things, maybe riding in this very same gondola. Tifa looked down at her feet which caught Reno's attention away from the fireworks show outside.

"You're not having a good time," said Reno finally.

Tifa snapped back to reality and put on a smile for him. "No, I am. It's just..."

"Cloud."

She let out a heavy sigh. "Is it that obvious?"

"It's written all over your face. You care about him. He's your boyfriend."

She shook her head at him. "There's nothing between us. He's just a childhood friend. That's all."

"You've been saying that for forever."

"Because it's true." But even she didn't believe the words that had come out of her own mouth. It was more than just a lie now. It was something that she so desperately tried to believe, but knew it was never true.

"Tifa, he's more to you than just a friend. There's got to be something more between you than that. I mean, think about all that you've been through together. From little brat days to nearly dieing at-. Well pretty much all the time. You've been by his side and he's by yours. You've been through heaven and hell and back. You've been started a family together with him."

"If you could call it that," muttered Tifa.

"If you can't call that a family then I don't know what is." Even though he was hiding his face in the shadows of the gondola, she could see the pain on his face as he told her this.

Tifa looked out at a group of chocobos with jockeys astride racing along a brilliantly lit track set in space. She didn't care about anything going on outside but she looked out anyway because she couldn't bare looking at Reno like this. They sat in silence for a moment before Tifa spoke again. "Before he was so different. Back then he was so confident in himself. He use to do all of these things before. Like when we were kids a group of friends and I dared each other to go up the mountain. We didn't know that Cloud was not far behind keeping a watchful eye on us. Well as we were climbing up the mountain... I got hurt. Everyone had left me behind but he was there." Tifa clenched her fists. "He got into a whole lot of trouble because everyone blamed him for what happened to me and he didn't even say a word. He just stood there and took it... Or like that time in the slums when I went to Don Corneo to get some information and he came to rescue me, in a dress. He actually dressed up as a woman, wig, dress, and all, and came to rescue me. No one had ever gone through such lengths to rescue me before."

Tifa fell silent again and looked out the window. As they neared the end of the ride, the passed low over the heads of a large crowd ambling about. She noticed someone in the crowd, a blonde haired woman. She tried to get a better look but the gondola had already passed.

Guilt

"Hurry people, hurry!" shouted a little mechanical cat astride a large stuffed pink moggle. "The show is about to start!"

"Cait Sith?" asked Tifa as she walked up to him.

"Hey Tifa!" called out Cait Sith.

"What are you doing here?"

"I owe a friend of mine a little favor. Hey, are you here to see the show?"

Tifa looked over to Reno who didn't look like he wanted to go. "We'd love to go," replied Tifa dragging him into the theater.

Cloud poked his head out from behind his hiding spot and made his way into the theater, but was stopped by a large moggle.

"Excuse us ma'am, but we need an extra actor to preform in our play. It is really simple and you just have to follow the other actor's cues. So how about it?"

Cloud shook his head. "No thank you."

"Come on," pleeded Cait Sith. "Do it for an old buddy. Please Cloud?"

"What!?"

"What? You didn't think I'd recognize you in that disguise? Cute dress by the way," purred Caith Sith.

"No I'm sorry," replied Cloud. "I'm going to have to decline the offer."

"If you say so," said Cait Sith. He watched Cloud poke his head inside before Mog hit him in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious. Mog scooped up Cloud in his furry arms. "Sorry Cloud, nothing personal. Like they say in showbiz, the show must go on."

* * *

_First of all, I have to say that I am sorry. I was trying for a chapter a week deal, but somethings have come up, I know I don't have to, but I feel like I have to apologize for a late update. I will go back and make adjustments to the prior chapters when i have the time. This next chapter is what's been killing me, so it might be another late update. And again feedback will be much appreciated._

_Many thanks to you guys for reading and following my story. And a special thanks goes out to you guys who reviewed my story._


End file.
